If you don’t know already – I’ve taken a leave of absence from work. Last night instead of my usual Sunday-Night-Syndrome I experienced something different – guilt. Not my usual dread of Monday morning, but a feeling of hesitation. I wondered if I should have really taken the time off. If I’m not constantly at my mom’s bedside (I would be the first one to go if that were happening – she would kill me) do I “deserve” the time off. Why does my Midwestern work-ethic (is that what it is?) do such a number on me?
So I’m trying to remember that there was a very good reason to take this time off – so that I would have nothing in the way of spending time with and taking care of my mom, but also so that there would be nothing in the way of taking care of myself either. And I think ultimately this is the thing you should do if you can. I got a chance to talk to my friend Ali (Hi Ali!) on my walk this morning and told her something like this:
If you get the chance to spend someone’s last days with them you do it. It’s a blessing and a rare gift to be present, thoughtful, loving and intentional with someone at anytime of their life, but especially at the end. So as much as things are scary, sad, shitty and really, really hard - there is a brightness. So think of us there in the sunshine and send your good thoughts to us there.
