For the past 11 years I have used mornings as a gauge for how I'm doing emotionally. It's that first feeling that I go by. Typically my first emotion is happy and comfortable. The fact that I might not want to get out of bed isn't what I'm looking at, it's the feeling just before. The "why" of why I don't want to get out of bed. If I feel anxious or sad when first waking up and that's whats keeping me in bed, then that to me is a story unfolding. In my thinking, as long as I don't wake up unhappy then I'm not so far down depression alley. That first emotion is fairly pure, not weighed down by the world of thought and outside input just yet.
These days each morning has been different. I've woken up nervous, content, sad, angry, happy, and peacefully. My goal for the remainder of the day is to try to either maintain or turn around that emotion. This morning I woke up feeling agitated. That soon led to thoughts of how messy my apartment always is and a feeling of overwhelming irritation of whatever else I have left undone. So today I'm going to try to take care of some of that irritation. Pay some bills, CLEAN MY APARTMENT ugh. and whatever else I need to do so that I have the chance to wake up differently tomorrow. Wish me well.
