oy. back to the grindstone as they say. (is that what they say??) It was weird going back to work. The first morning was awful. I cried all the way to work, I cried throughout my morning meeting with my boss and then I cried after speaking with our Campus Director. All morning I thought, "It is just so weird to be back. Everything has changed." Then some excited students dropped by for a visit and to update me on their lives and I started to feel better. Then my friend John showed up (Hi Johnny M!) and got me laughing in the afternoon. And after awhile I felt like, "man, nothing's changed at all." Which was comforting and also a little disheartening. There is this idea that you might want things to go back to normal - that normality will make things feel better. But what I think I want, and maybe what others who experience great loss want, is that everything be different. My whole life has changed drastically. I don't want to just go back to the same old thing. I'm lucky however to have this place to be while I figure some of those changes out.
I'm not sure I was ready to go back, but I'm not sure I was ever going to be ready to go back. But I'm back and it feels okay enough and there's lots of good people around, so I think it's going to be okay.
