small things...

Goodbye, sugar, you ain't no friend of mine

Criteria for "substance dependence" according to the DSM-IV-TR:

1. Increased tolerance
2. Withdrawal symptoms
3. Substance is taken in larger amounts or over a longer period then intended
4. Persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control use
5. Great deal of time spent trying to obtain substance
6. Important interpersonal events given up b/c of substance use
7. Use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physiological or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the use of this substance.

Hi, my name is Erin and I'm addicted to sugar.  I've thought this or considered this for some time, but like most addicts, figured that I could control or stop "using" tomorrow. Just give me one more mocha or one more bowl of ice cream and then it's over..I swear.  Recently, Sarah and I agreed to each give up sugar and I lasted not even 24 hours.  I panicked about giving it up.  Literally panicked...like I had a panic attack at the thought.  Sarah did much better.

I do not meet all 7 of the above criteria, but I meet most of them.  It's actually pretty sobering.  Yeah, its SOBERING.  I'm a sugaraholic and I need to dry out. 

I think we don't often consider sugar such a harmful drug, but I, at times, meet 6 of the above criteria and you only need to meet 3 to be considered dependent.  That seems like no joke to me. 

I could use the support, because I don't think this is going to be easy for me.  Anyone else out their a sugar addict?  You're welcome to join the sugar-fast or just cheer from the sidelines. 

Here we go. 

Fooey.

I had to share this link www.fooeyusa.com not just because it has some of the best children's clothes I have seen around, but also one of the best looking models evah.  take a good look at the boy in the top row right corner and then click on the awesome cords, pick one and scroll down and take another gander. Uh huh. my nephew is a natural. 

And...they will soon have adult clothes too. rockit.

Weekend 1 - IIN

So where to begin?

It was great.  It was more then I expected.  Leading up to this weekend I kept saying when asked if I was excited, "Well, I think it all just feels theoretical still" Like this was something that I was doing in an alternate life.  The "Sliding Doors" version of me would be flying to NYC once a month and trying to change her life, while the regular old me would be watching "What Not to Wear" Friday night and picking up my produce Saturday morning just like every other weekend.  But that wasn't the case.  For those of you who regularly make your fantasies a reality, this might seem hard to understand.  But for those of us big dreamers who too often leave our dreams where they are - making it to NYC this weekend was a big deal.   

I met some great people who were all there for different reasons.  I stayed with my good friend Ali, who after 13 years of being friends but barely seeing or speaking to each other still fits firmly at my side as GREAT FRIEND. Here are the rest of the highlights:

• Met my new friend Jess at a Starbucks the first morning and clicked right away
• Approached by an elderly man at the Starbucks who heard me say I was from Evanston.  Turns out his daughter lives there, but he wasn't sure where. This continues my long held belief that everyone is somehow connected to Evanston
• Joshua Rosenthal (founder/director of IIN) was so funny and laid back.  My two favorite qualities and not at all what I expected
• Walter Willett (director of nutrition at Harvard) was brilliant and boring, but left us with a final hilarious ending to his presentation
• Debbie Ford was beautiful, dynamic, way spicier and less new agey then I expected. 
• At some point during the weekend I felt so at home with where I was I knew I"d made the right decision
• Flying into chicago I could see the lights below sparkling beneath the wave of the trees in the wind and felt it was a warm welcome home

I'm going to learn a lot this year.  I will try my best to share it with you all. 

Plus next time I'll try to take some photos.  I mean, come on.

And now for a commercial break...

Hi Friends!

I have lots to say about my weekend adventure - woke up excited this morning even.  Hello, it's Monday, that's unheard of in Erintown.  But I'll do that tonight.  For now I want to let you know that the documentary I wrote about a few weeks ago - crazy, sexy, cancer - is going to be aired again on TLC this Wednesday evening.  If you have cable, I strongly suggest watching it.   It just might be the message you've been waiting to hear. 

More tonight!

love

e

The start of a new adventure

I'm heading off to NYC this afternoon for the first of 10 weekends spent at this place.  I've not been to NYC before on my own (been 3x with others taking the lead in all planning) so I feel a little nervous about just the getting from A to B business, but after I do it once it should be easy.  I'll be staying with my old friend Ali who sometimes makes her voice heard here on Small Things.  And I'm looking forward to making a few new friends. 

But to YOU friends...I won't be back to post until I return next week so please enjoy your weekend!  Til then, amigos!

Erin

Harnessing the Sunshine

On Saturday I spoke with my longtime friend Anna who now lives up in Maine with her brood.  We were talking about positive thinking and how often we revert back to negative or indifferent thinking for self-protection purposes (I've been talking about this for days it seems).  I talk with my clients a lot about the idea that what you put energy into grows.  Just like the energy from the sun grows the grass, the energy we put into ourselves does the same kind of work.  Again it's this idea of the Law of Attraction - like attracts like.  If you put energy into your depression, your depression will grow.  Alternatively, if you focus on what's happy in your life - that will grow instead.

Anna told me two stories Saturday morning that got my brain a'clicking.  The first was about a friend of hers who had a car in the shop needing $700 worth of repairs and an old beat up truck at home she'd been trying to sell for months/weeks.  She had no cash for repairs and no one's interest in the truck.  Then she changed her mind about it. Instead of worrying that no one would buy the truck she began to believe wholeheartedly (that's the key) that of course SOMEONE would buy it.  And later that day someone did - and paid her $700 for it.

Second story was Anna's.  She and her daughter have been wanting horses.  Now who among us can just go out and buy a couple of horses?  Not too many I would guess, and neither could Anna.  So she stopped lamenting about the fact that they couldn't get a horse and started telling anyone who would listen that she and her daughter were going to have horses one day.  AND THEN...Anna received a call from a woman who had a couple horses she couldn't keep any longer and would Anna be able to take them off her hands...for free...!?

So totally motivated by this story since I KNOW Anna and she told me she was outside watching those horses as we spoke, I decided I needed to try this out for myself.  "Start small" Anna suggested.  So I did.  A couple of us Monkeyslayers had a race Saturday night.  I tend to get really anxious before races.  I worry about things that are very unlikely to happen - like that I will overheat and pass out (even in cool Fall weather).  But all day, what I focused on was "I'm going to have a good race. It's going to feel good and I'm going to run faster then I did last time.  I will finish the race feeling fine."  I was still a little nervous before/during the race (I don't think I wholeheartedly believed my mantra) BUT I felt a lot better during this race and I improved my time by 3 minutes!  That's a lot!

Simona and I talked more about this during the post race beer and pizza party (I love you, 5k beer party) and I promised to put energy into another area of my life that could use a little sunshine. 

So that's what I'm working on - building up my own little store of sunshine to put energy into bringing more of things I want for my life towards me.  I did bring a big piece of apple pie my way on Sunday, so I think it's working. huzzah!

Messages from the universe?

Well, I'm not sure about that, but this morning I stumbled upon this website and I think this young lady was singing right to me.  Click the link and press play.  See whether her words answer any of your questions.

Its the weekend!

And now a question for you...

I've been doing a lot of reading lately: books, magazines, old journals, other people's blogs...Sometimes when this happens, when I go through one of these phases the line between what I read and my real life experiences begin to blur.  Like some ladies talk about what's happening on their favorite soaps as if it were gossip in their own lives, I begin to think about what I'm reading as if it's happening around me.  It is, I guess in a way, just not in a physical way.  This is why that whole 'Harry Potter' episode of my life this summer was difficult for me to emerge from.  Because I'd allowed myself to be submerged.  It becomes an entire experience, the act of reading.  Do we all do this?  I hope so. If it's a good book, I hope we all feel some transcendence.  But I need to remember to balance all this reading with a bit of real life too.

I just finished reading a book by Pam Houston a week ago. (listed on the sidebar)  She writes about things I really relate to.  Not always things I'm happy or proud about relating to, but so it goes.  There was a line in this last book that got me thinking about how I approach this idea of having "hope."  I mentioned my "hopefulness" in a recent blog post.  She writes:

"I'd spent my whole life convinced that one sure way to not get what I wanted was to hope for it, out loud or even to myself..."

I think I do this??!?  I'm trying to figure out how often I use "indifference" to avoid hoping out loud as a way to ease my disappointment when what I really WANT falls through.  How often have I lost out on what I really wanted b/c I couldn't bring myself to admit the wanting or the hoping?  YIKES.

All this talk lately about 'The Secret' and asking the universe for what you want, and I'm sending a big shoulder shrug and "I don't care. whatever is cool" out into the universe??

Well....shit.

So, how do you make that shift?  Really, I'm asking.  If what I want is to have the life I hope for and imagine...how do I stop protecting myself and start risking instead?

Autumn

On Saturday I drove up to Wisconsin (same area as last month) to go to an estate sale in a mansion (!) on the lake. It was a full day adventure a 4 hour round trip drive, but worth it - it's a pretty time of year. I was hoping for big old mansion with lots of hallways and weird rooms and piles and piles of weird treasures.  This place was a fairly new construction and obviously a weekend home b/c there wasn't much stuff at all.  But I did find a few treasures that came to a grand total of $1.75.  The best thing about that place was the view.  As promised it sat right on the lake.  When you stood in the kitchen all you could see out the windows was the water and a few low hanging trees.  The waves were big too, I thought to call my brother-in-law, the lake surfer, to tell him about it...but didn't.  No matter, he headed up to Sheboygan on Sunday anyhow for surfing...surfers seem to know these things anyhow.

I could get a photo of the view b/c it was too bright, but I took a few more photos of what I saw this weekend.  Please enjoy:

 

::The entrance to someone else's mansion

:: crops are beging to be plowed under/over/through?

:: Detour thru Milwaukee

:: Autumn colors close up

How come more of you don't say "hi"?  I know you're out there.  I see the number of visits, but unless you leave a comment I don't know who you are.  I really treasure the comments, I do.  So please join in.  It's totally acceptable to say things like, "Hi" or "lame" or "nice photo" or "whatever, erin" or "yer cute" ( I like that one especially).  But let's interact, okay? 

Music makes a comeback

At home today caring for an upset belly::

Has anyone heard this song/seen this video?  I wish I could post it here so you wouldn't have to leave to watch it, but youtube won't let me.  It's incredibly lovely. What about Sigur Ros' Glosoli video?   Please sit through the whole thing - the ending is spellbinding.

I have a tendency to avoid music during particularly difficult periods of my life.  It's an emotional experience, listening to music - sometimes I need a break from it. So there has not been a lot of music this summer.  But I heard the first song almost accidentally and then soon after came across the second video and each made me feel something I was needing.  Hopefulness.

I'll post more about an adventure I took this weekend later today w/photos!  Off to drink tea.

PS - And of course there's this too... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQFAe0baJT8  Was anyone else home Saturday night? Talk about hopefulness.  I *heart* you, Andy Samberg.