Not to many people read this blog these days. My not writing here too often, is the likely cause. Lately I've trying to decide how or if to procede. The blog served a great purpose for me when I first started it. It helped me process my grief, it helped me to slowly navigate the new life that was left to build and it allowed me to tell a few good stories.
I've been thinking about something for awhile now and letting it simmer. It started with a single idea: "I need a project" and grew into a larger purpose, "I need to have a great life." um...kind of a huge and vague prospectus for a blogging "about" page. But recently my focus has become clearer and today my committment became solid.
After my mom died last year I declared that my new life motto was "don't waste time." I quickly set about making plans to leave my job and start a private practice. I enrolled in an amazing program in Manhattan studying food/nutrition/lifestyle. I now help people heal their lives by making choices that truly make them happy. But have realized lately that I still struggle with the same things I help my clients overcome. And I waste a lot of time.
So I asked myself this morning, "Erin, cute-stuff, in what ways are you still wasting time?" And my soul quickly rattled off a list that has been with me all my life:
- I have a hate-affair with my body
- As much as I know about healthy food - I am totally confused about what to eat
- I have a desire to be spiritually connected, but avoid it at every turn
- I don't celebrate my friendships or connect to my loved ones nearly enough
- I really would like to fall-in-love and be fallen-in-love-with
I was inspired this summer, by a really simple exercise. Eating locally. I hosted a contest where the participants had to make one meal a week comprised of totally local ingredients. Besides being a fun and challenging exercise - I think it may have opened the door to a life change.
I have spent most of my life seeing food as an unpredictable foe and have never felt connected or trusting of the food I eat. Not because of pesticides or farming practices, but because I have been on some diet or another since I was 10 years old. As a result I have been largely confused about food, uncomfortable in my choices and disconnected from the process. The same has been mirrored in how I've felt about my body: uncomfortable, confused and disconnected. Um...same with spirituality: confused,disconnected and uncomfortable. friendships and love, thank goodness have been less screwy...but I have been single for awhile...so I'm making no concessions.
But this little contest this summer was a whole new experience. I felt inspired by the other contestants. I began to feel really connected to the food i was making...holding it in my hands, appreciating the texture and the taste. I loved getting to know the farmers and learning how to cook new things. I felt good physically, spiritually and emotionally every time I ate those meals.
I swear to GODDESS that I was sexier on the days I ate locally. For real.
And it wasn't just because the food was fresh (though that helped) it was because I was connected, on several different levels and it felt amazing. And I'd like more of that feeling, thanks.
And really, this isn't just about food...it's about letting go of the things that hold me back and enjoying my life now. As far as the blog goes the plan is this: Document the journey. For myself, for anyone who wants to join the ride or follow along. But mostly for myself. How this will manifest in future posts, I'm not totally sure. But I'm writing this here now so that I will remember that I mean it.
So I'm going to work on knocking out that list above one-by-one. Times a'wastin!
love,
e
