I have alluded a couple times in the last few posts about a certain health issue I’ve been dealing with. I’d like to talk about it by way of a public service announcement, but don’t want to force it upon anyone. Click here to read.
*but be warned: I’ve decided to be descriptive. Read at your own risk
What I’ll share with the rest of you is that I’m in the midst of a turning point in my life. Some of us can see the bend in the road as it comes, the rest of us don’t see it coming and fall into the ditch just off the turn. For me this is no new bend. I have come to this same spot over and over and always end up in the ditch. Recently I’ve turned to jumping right in the ditch to save a little time.
Those of you who followed along with the Keep it Local Challenge know that I’m passionate about good food grown locally. I think everyone should have access to good, healthy, organically produced foods. I think if you get the chance to meet your farmer you should jump at it. You might assume that I eat really healthy. Not always so.
For me, being passionate about something hasn’t always meant following passion’s path. I have a lot of internal obstacles I allow to derail me. maybe you do too. Some of the mean things my monkey brain yells at me at vulnerable times seem believable.
(you know about your monkey brain don’t you? Monkey brain in general is the constant chatter in your mind just below your awareness. Mean monkey brain are the awful, hateful things you tell yourself about yourself in that same level of chatter)
For many people the mean monkey brain statements sound a lot like this:
You’re stupid
You can’t have the things you want.
You aren’t worthy
You will always lose out
Nobody really likes you
Lately for me, the mean monkey chatter has centered around food, health and purpose
you eat like shit
You will never feel really healthy
God is busy doing other things
If you keep this up you will die young
Fuck. I mean, fuck. (and the truth is – I’ve said meaner things to myself then these. I can’t bring myself to share those ones) Whether or not a statement is true does not matter to the monkey.
If you remotely believe that the universe or god or Elvis responds to the thoughts you send out then I am fucked. Or I would be fucked if I kept this up. I actually think I’ve received a wake-up call. I think that the universe or god or Elvis DID respond to the thoughts I’d been berating myself with and I got sick. Thankfully, only very mildly so.
In the midst of having my procedure done and waiting for my results, I reached out to my old health/life coach for some support. Last night I finally talked to her.
Without going into too much detail about our conversation b/c I’m still processing it, she basically told me what I already knew, but in a way that it resonated.
Shit or get off the pot. And stop lying to yourself.
The advice she then gave me was to actively and outwardly choose everything I do over the next week. Like everything. I need to say to myself or outloud what I choose. Like, “I choose to eat this burrito.” or “I choose to sit on my ass and watch tv.” maybe when I hear the choice - my choices might change. Or maybe they won’t. Choices I might have once considered 'passive’ now become active. You don’t just end up watching the Real Housewives of New York marathon…you choose to. I think I’m getting it.
The first thing I’m doing is flipping around the chatter:
You are well and feel amazing
You are healthy
You eat amazing foods
When you grow up you’ll be an old woman
And on the way - hike the grand canyon, girl.
**********************************************************************
Speaking of the Grand Canyon…only 4 more weeks until I hop a plane to AZ!! You can still donate to the cause if you’d like. Click on the icon above.
