small things...

In the middle of it all

In the middle of all the commotion in getting myself to my sister’s wedding in Maine, my grandfather passed away.  Our family had been keeping us apprised of the situation as it unfolded and I was hopeful that I’d be able to make it to Maine and then back home in time for his funeral.  I received the call the morning I woke up in that Portsmouth hotel that he had died in his sleep overnight.  I learned later that day that the visitation would be on Sunday and the funeral Monday morning.  I wouldn’t make it to either. 

My Grandpa was 97 years old.  He’d lived most of his entire life in Rock Island, IL.  Married his sweetheart Betty McGonigle and loved her for close to 75 years.  My Grandma survives him and I headed up to be with her a few days after returning home.  I wish I could have been there to say goodbye to him with the rest of my family, but I am grateful to have gotten to spend some time with my Grandma – just us. 

Life is just happening – all the time.  It is beginning and ending and changing in every moment.  It can be a real challenge to just be present to the moment.  I am grateful that I got 41 years with a gem of a grandpa.

::My Grandparents

::Me and Grandpa

*********************************************************************

Last year, one of my goals was to learn a bit more about my grandparents.  I wrote about it here:

• A Trip to Rock Island

A Wedding in maine

Getting to Maine wasn’t the issue, it was getting out of Chicago. 

Day 1

A week and a half ago on Wednesday I was packed and ready for my 2.5 hour flight to Bangor.  There had been a brief storm that morning, but it had passed quickly and the skies had mostly cleared, yet they were still delaying the flight by two hours.  No problem – I ate some lunch re-evaluated my travel outfit, decided not to wear my walking boot (doc gave me the release) and headed out again towards the airport a couple hours later.  O’Hare was a zoo.  It’s always a zoo, but it seemed a bit more chaotic.  It seemed like there were people everywhere.  Sitting in the halls outside their gates.  Crowding around the gate agents and the screens announcing departure times.  I found a place to sit and charge my phone and set about people watching.  About 20 minutes in I got a text that it had been delayed another hour.  No worries.  As long as I got to Maine.  30 minutes after that – about an hour before my flight was scheduled to take off – it was cancelled.  There was no storm outside.  My sister reported beautiful weather in Maine – but “weather” was the reason.  I quickly tracked down an agent at another gate and he was kind enough to help me get on the same flight the next day.  “My sister’s wedding, “ I pleaded.  “A broken foot” I begged.  It worked.  This was good – my friends were on this flight.  United refused to return my luggage to me but assured me it would be checked on the next direct flight (which was the one I’d been booked on).  So I went home and went to bed with a sore aching foot, but confidence I’d get to Maine the next day.

Day 2/3

Fog.  A thick, murky fog had quietly settled in over night.  It burned off quickly, but left me with an unsettled feeling that morning.  Our flight was scheduled to leave at around 1pm.  By 9am they had cancelled the flight a second time.  No delays – straight to cancellation.  There is only one direct flight a day from Chicago to Bangor on this airline– so we could try again the next day or we could figure out an alternate route.  My friends in Denver and I decided to try to get as far as Boston as soon as possible and then make the 5 hour drive up to Brooklin, Maine – none of us confident that the direct flight would ever get to Bangor.  My flight was scheduled to take off at 7:50pm out of Chicago and I’d get to Boston by 11pm.  This time I wore my walking boot.  My flight was again delayed, but we boarded! Hallelujah!! 

And then we sat on the runway. For 20 minutes.

For 30 minutes.

For an hour. 

Our pilot would periodically get on the intercom, only barely hiding his own frustration as he updated us on our status.  He’d say things like, “They can tell me WHY in an airport as LARGE as CHICAGO that they can’t give me MORE information on WHY they would have us wait her so long WHEN JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO they said we were cleared.” But eventually we took off.  And the flight was an easy one because, seriously, the weather wasn’t bad.

My seatmate, noticing my walking boot, acted as my own personal body guard when we got to Boston.  He wouldn’t let anyone off the plane until I got off, looking over his shoulder and announcing, “She’s got a boot!”  and “This girl’s wobbling! Give her space!”  Then when I mentioned how slow I felt walking up the jetway he said, “No one’s getting past me, hon.” 

:: Boston airport all to ourselves

Unsurprisingly, my luggage did not make the trip with me to Boston.  They had promised me only that it would be put on the next direct flight to Bangor.  While they knew I’d changed my flight to Boston, no one made me any promises.  And I guess good for them that they didn’t. 

I’d booked a hotel in Portsmouth, NH and not Boston for 2 reasons: #1 – hotels in Boston=$300; hotels in Portsmouth= $80.  #2 – it shaved an hour off my drive the next day.  It is an amazing feat of trickery that I made it safely to that hotel.  It was 2:30am in a city I didn’t know, without a map.  I completely trusted that the Garmin the car rental place gave me would deliver me to the hotel.  It was already 25 mintues in to my drive before I realized that GPS hadn’t moved.  I quickly pulled up the map on my phone and was able to drive another 30 minutes before my phone died.  I was somewhere on the road to Portsmouth.  A magical rest stop with power outlets suddenly appeared.  As I drove in I thought, “A girl lost on the highway in the middle of the night who stops at a rest stop to charge her phone…is totally a Dateline Mystery special”  Abduction was a possibility, but I had to get to this goshdangit hotel and to do so I had to charge my phone.  I survived!

10 minutes later I found my hotel.

barely never did I fall asleep.  but I think I did because at some point I woke up.

*****************************************************************

I’ll continue with the wedding tomorrow!

Mercury in Retrograde can't kill my buzz

So I don't totally know what "Mercury in Retrograde" means, but I've heard it mentioned in the same way people nod knowingly when the realize the full moon might explain the weird things that happened to them recently.  But yesterday when my boss mentioned to me the whole retrograding mecury I looked it up.  Bad travel, messed up electronics, plans going awry... this explains my summer so far.  Here is the (hopefully complete) list:

• broken foot
• new A/C installation installed incorrectly
• 2 cancelled flights
• 1 3-hours delayed flight
• My luggage doesn't arrive with me
• GPS doesn't work 3am on unfamiliary highway
• phone dies 3am on a highway while using the map function
• car in for repairs but "repaired" with a broken part i.e. still broken

The GOOD news

• My foot is healing nicely
• My new A/C was repaired quickly and they gave me a coupon for a car wash!
• I made it to Maine!
• My luggage eventually made it to Maine!
• I came upon a rest area with outlets to charge my dead phone long enough to get me to hotel
• They are fixing my car as we speak with a nice shiny whole and unbroken part

You got nothin on me retrograding Mercury.  But psyched for July 1st to get here quick.

Related articles

Some beautiful things (including one chubby kitty)

#5 - ...Attend a Moth-like Storytelling event

#5–…Attend a Moth-like Storytelling event

Last night I attended an actual Moth event – not just Moth-like!

(source)

One of the friends I got together with back in January to make our 2014 life-lists (Brenda) had The Moth on her list too and we finally found a date we could both go and bring along Brenda’s friend Shannon too!  If you aren’t familiar with The Moth - either the live show or the NPR broadcast – it’s an event where regular people get up in front of a live audience and tell a true story about their lives.  They are given 5 minutes, are asked to tell the story with no notes and each show has a theme.  Last night’s theme was “School”. 

What I learned from my first time attending a Moth event:

• Doors open at 5pm and even though the show doesn’t begin until 8pm – you should get there at 5pm.  We were sure 6:15 was way early enough and there wasn’t a seat left.

• If you are recovering from a broken foot and are on the first day without your walking boot…wear the boot anyway b/c you are probably going to have to stand.  OR bring Brenda because she will get you a seat.
• If you want to tell a story  you throw your name in a hat at the start of the night – there is not guarantee you’ll be picked.  Nerve wracking!
• If you get up to tell a story you are a brave badass

(This is Don Hall – the show emcee)

• One of the best storytellers of the night had my favorite line of the night, “I made her laugh 17 times”
• The winner of the night had, arguably, the best opening line, “I am a man who is very attracted to women with large breasts.”

We had a great time and were inspired to maybe give it a shot and throw our names in the hat one day.  My whole drive home I thought about stories I might have told from my own life.  Stories are the best and people willing to tell you theirs should always be hoot and hollered for.

Some beautiful things (including one chubby kitty)

This broken foot hasn’t totally sidelined my pursuit of my list goals! (Plus it’s mostly mended by now).  Though there is one that needs to be reworked:  #1 - Do 12 run/walk races - goal is one a month. 

I’ve added a few to my # 9 – Make 41 beautiful things (I guess I’m up to 8 now…I need to get a move on):

:: I bought this coloring book during my trip to Santa Fe in March

:: I think this counts as a Pinterest ‘win’…inspired by this photo and hung in my bedroom

And, finally, a makeover!  Everyone loves a makeover…

 

As you can see, my bathroom medicine cabinet was in poor, poor shape.  Nothing like a fresh coat of paint and a little contact paper to make you feel better about brushing your teeth!

***********************

Back in April I made the decision to give up my community garden plot.  I just wasn’t getting excited about it and was already a bit behind in getting the beds reading for planting.  Then I busted up my foot and that confirmed my decision.  So while it would seem that #14 on my list (Grow a big luscious garden) would have to be forfeited – it doesn’t!  I have gotten really into planting as much as I can on the little back railing outside my back door.  There ain’t much space here, but there is enough for me

:: Peonies and Sweet Potato Vine

:: Creeping Thyme and something else pink and lovely

 

:: Something cute and purple and little baby lavender!

Since the epic heat has yet to arrive in Chicago I’ve been spending a lot of time out back reading books, sipping on lemonade and letting the chubby kitty explore the wild frontier (she hasn’t yet attempted to go down the stairs)

 

A few more items are in line to be crossed off the list in the next month.  I’ll post a real update at the end of June! xoxo

WWFED–eats

Last week I stopped by the library to pick-up an audiobook for my commute and found myself, as I often do, seated in the “New Non-Fiction” section looking at what new diet/health books are available.  I think I’ve probably read about every diet ever thunk up and am well aware that they don’t work and aren’t worth my time and are basically just going to mess up my thinking and and and…sigh. But I still often think,

“well maybe this time there will be a book that’s just going to clear this whole thing up and it’ll be like ‘eat this way!’ and I will and then all will be right in the world”

I did find a book this time.  And the fact that this is the book I decided to check-out shows I may be headed in a different direction after all.

haha.  I read it cover-to-cover over the weekend.  It wasn’t “surprising” like the subtitle claims.  In fact, it was nothing new at all if you’ve already started down this road, but it was a good validation of the thoughts I’ve already been having.  If you subscribe to a certain way of eating and feel really passionate about it -  this book might be offensive – Matt Fitzgerald totally thinks you’re cult-y.  So, whatever. Don’t read it.  “Cult” is a strong and divisive word, but he makes some good points.  He talks about being an “agnostic” eater – but that doesn’t mean he has some of his own ideas of good/bad, right/wrong. 

Some people need more rules, some people need less rules.  Some people are preachy and pushy most aren’t. Food is a hot button topic or it’s just good eats, man.  Your choice.

Speaking of good eats…

Second week in a row I’ve thrown together a quiche to have for breakfast during the week.  This was just what I left in the kitchen.  I roasted the potatoes, onions, rosemary and garlic first for about 30 min then added the eggs/cream and cheese and baked it for another 40.  Golden, eggy goodness

Just in case you were under the impression that I have anything under control in the kitchen – here is the aftermath of my attempt to use an electronic whisk in a jar with too much liquid in it.  Tamari sauce, honey and onions everyyywhere – including all over me.

But after I got it together and cleaned up this catastrophe – I started again and ended up with this little lovely

Slow Cooker Honey Garlic Chicken (from this recipe) over a lime/ginger coleslaw (my own concoction)

I’m on a little bit of a smoothie kick – sure sign it’s summertime

WWFED: Good eats

I’m working on bringing back my WWFED posts on the regular.  I’m realizing that I’m totally out of the blog writing habit so it might take me a little while to get the routine a-going.  For example – I’d planned and meant to write/post this back on Sunday and today is absolutely Tuesday instead.  But here goes.

Nearly a year ago I wrote the following:

Can a girl let go of the food dogma that’s been literally and figuratively weighing her down?  I hope so.

I get wrapped up in the “what-is-healthy-eating?” debate frequently (with  myself).  Should I eat more carbs, less carbs, which carbs, and what exactly is a carb again?  heavy protein or low fat.  Should I be a Vegan or a Paleo or a carb-cycler.  A points counter or a calorie counter or full-on intuitive eater.

It’s maddening.  It’s been maddening since I was a teenager, if not before.

Lately,  I try to return as often as possible to the following questions:

• Is it real food (grew out of the ground or came from an animal)?
• Does it make me feel better or worse after eating it?
• Will it make a pretty photograph?  Ha. this is only partially important to me.

Breaking up is never easy, amiright?  Breaking up with food habits and food dogma is also super challenging.  Like a lot of people, especially those who have dieted many times over many years, I can get very confused and worked up about what is the RIGHT WAY to eat.  These days when I feel that stress building I try to shake if off quickly and go back to those first two questions.  Does that mean I only eat something which answers those questions positively?  My diet coke habit says ‘not-so-much’.

The bottom line is that this is all a work in progress for me.  Finding a way to feed myself without judgment, or analysis or second guessing is no longer a natural process in my brain, but I’m hopeful.

Looking back over the last year I can safely say – I’m still completely in the midst of this process.  Spending weeks where I struggle with the question of right/wrong foods.  Weeks where I say fuck it and eat like I’m the leader of an anti-good-food rebellion.  Weeks where I ignore the whole thing.  But very little time where I have felt in the flow of it; where any of it has felt very natural.

So I’m back at it.  Using the blog to return my awareness back to this process of letting go of rules or judgment and just enjoying life.

The plan is to write weekly about food/fitness/good living.  Starting now….!

Some of the good eats from this week:

Salads for lunch this week:

• romaine
• carrots
• cukes
• quinoa
• roasted tofu
• goat cheese
• balsamic dressing

Bacon, mushroom, spinach & feta quiche for breakfast this week.  From this cookbook

Pan seared cheese ravioli with peas, mixed greens and bacon. Adapted from this recipe

Adapted from my mama’s recipe for a mexican layer dip she called “Mexican pile”.

Bean layer:

• 1 can refried beans
• 1/2 tsp each: chili powder and cumin
• Mix ingredients and layer bottom of dish

Guacamole layer:

• 2 ripe medium avocados
• Juice from 1/2 lime (save other half)
• 3 TB pico de gallo
• 1/2 tsp each: celery salt and sugar
• 1/8 tsp of cayenne pepper
• scoop out the flesh of the avocados (discarding the pit) into a small bowl.  Mash avocado to your desired consistency (I like it chunky and just use a fork to separate the avo flesh).  Add in all other ingredients – mix well.  Add layer atop beans

Sour Cream layer:

• 6 TB sour cream
• 4 TB mayonnaise
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1/2 tsp each: garlic powder, chili powder
• 1 tsp paprika
• juice from other half of 1/2 lime
• Mix it all up and add layer atop guacamole

Cheese layer:

• 1 Cup each (grated): Monterey jack, cheddar
• Sprinkle atop sour cream layer

Then I top the whole thing with spoonfuls of the remaining pico de gallo.  Eat it up with chips!

Plot Twist!

A week ago yesterday THIS happened…

(the foot. I’m talking about the foot.  not the chubby kitty goodness to the right.)

There I was, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I got jumped by the sidewalk!  I fought it off with a swift kick and it backed off.  After a trip to the ER and an x-ray with this cool new machine they bring right to your bed(!) I learned that my 5th metatarsal was the real victim of this street crime.  A fracture.

The first couple of days I was a bit of an emotional mess.  Freaked out to be stuck up in my 3rd floor walk-up alone.  Unable to put any weight on my foot and quickly growing tired from hopping around with crutches and a bruised hand.  When my overzealously wrapped leg began to feel seriously itching and red and swollen I made my sister come over to assure me I had not contracted a flesh-eating-virus.  She was right.  I had not.

As a way to lift my spirits, calm my nerves and practice a little of the self-healing I’ve been learning – I have been meditating a lot.  Thanks 60 days of Om!  In particular I’ve been practicing my bright-white-light meditation.  I learned it during my meditation challenge last year as a way to ‘clean out’ emotional/physical/metaphysical debris from my body & spirit. All you do is visualize a bright light travelling to and through different parts of your body filling each area with light rendering the area clean.  And I would feel lit up.  For reals. 

So in an effort to support and maybe increase my healing I’ve been sending this bright light to spend a little time along the gnarly bruise on my hand/wrist and I’ve been seeing it run it’s light slowly up and down my bone healing the bone whole. 

And, well, I think it’s working.  My bruise is gone.  It was black and purple on Tuesday.  It had dramatically faded by Thursday.  It’s gone today.  My doctor gave me a walking boot on Tuesday – I am still in it, but walking completely without crutches or pain.  My bone isn’t healed- I’m sure of that because there is still pain if I try to turn my foot certain ways.  But I am hopeful.  I was told I’d be in the boot for 4-6 weeks.  I’m shooting for 4.  Hell, maybe 3.

Of course the chubby kitty has been vigilant in her watch over my injured foot – so I’m sure that’s helped too. 

60 days of OM

Last year I set out to meditate for 40 days in a row in honor of my 40th birthday.  And I loved it.  So this year, in an effort to make it more of a daily ritual I upped it to 60 days.  And I loved it again.  I used the Habit Streak app to track the days I  meditated and to remind/encourage me to sit on the days I strayed.  But  most mornings I found myself heading directly to my little meditation nook upon rising or just after my walk for a few minutes of quiet reflection. 

Sometimes it was a few minutes of total brain chaos.  Sometimes I was still basically asleep.  But there were days where I felt focused and connected and for brief moments felt a little bit of that divine/spirit/mojo.

I finished the 60 days a week ago and promptly stopped. whyyyyyyyy, self??

So now I’m going for a streak.  no max/minimum days.  I’m just going to try to meditate daily for as long as I can and we’ll see how long the streak is. 

Any meditators out there? How do you meditate? Where do you meditate? Any tips for quieting my monkey mind?

Quarter year LIST recap

I’m changing up the recaps this year to every quarter rather than every month.  The list is half the size this year and, you know, there was a polar vortex so it didn’t seem like as much to report back on…

But there has been some stuff.  And here it is. 

#3 – Travel places I’ve never been – COMPLETE (with room for more new places)

Headed to Santa Fe and Albuquerque just about two weeks ago

#4 – Try 12 new restaurants.  I’ve crossed two off the list and clarified the goal.  I could have basically finished this goal while on vacation with all the eating out.  Decided that I want to try 12 new restaurants locally.

• Zapatista – My friend Kassidy and I like to meet up every few months for a night of Mexican food and margaritas.  This place was a good midway point for the last time we went out.  I hardly remember it b/c we went way back in January.  I think it was good?
• Big Jones – met my sister and her fiancée here for brunch last week.  Self-described as “Southern heirloom cooking”  they offer big heaping plates of delicious deep south goodness.  I ordered the Corn Griddle Cakes – a stack 3-high of corncakes topped with eggs over-medium and smothered with beans and some kinda red sauce.  It was dang good and super filling. 

#6 – Take a trip at least 4 separate times

Above mentioned trip to New Mexico marks ONE off this list.  Three more trips to go.  Two already planned…

#7 – Learn to make homemade versions of food I crave

Started with the crusty bread back in February.  Still want to try my hand a Pad Thai…

#9 – Make 41 beautiful things – 5 things down!

Three I’ve mentioned…

1. a painting
2. a candle
3. a flower

And two new  beautiful things:

I've recently become paint-by-numbers #1 fan.  I have found it to be a completely meditative experience. I have found whole wintery Saturday afternoons have passed while I slowly painted every number 3 on the board.

Before:

 

After:

The fifth beautiful things came about when my new friend Paula invited me to an event her friends were hosting where we were invited to create vision boards.  I’ve never made a vision board, though I feel like these birthday lists fulfill much of the same purpose.  The host of the evening, Jamie (you can click here to read her blog and learn of future events) started with a presentation on goals and dreams and her own experiences with each.  And then we all gathered around a long table of magazines and scissors and glue and made our boards.  I had a great time talking with Paula, as well as my old friend Charlene and her husband Craig.  And I think my little vision board came together nicely.

#12 – Read 41 books (8 books read) – Find the Book list here

#17 – see two of out of three: mountains, ocean, desert

Well I got to see both mountains and desert in one fell swoop on my trip to New Mexico.  Technically this one is complete!  But I also get to see the ocean in June so it’s gonna be a three-fer.

#20 – help someone else reach a goal

My friend Kevin was seeking funding to support an interesting personal project (read more about his Caminante project here).  And I helped by donating!  That was an easy one. Keeping an eye out for more goals to help out with…

**********************************************************************************

This recap is reminding me that the last 3 months have not just been all about the frigid-never-ending winter.  It’s actually been a pretty fun start to the year!  What will the next three months bring…?

• Finishing off my 60 days of meditating!
• Another trip!
• At least two more restaurants…and maybe more!
• A race?!
• and more books, y’all. always more books.

xo erin